(Written by Mickey T. Gardener 6/9/02)

 

It was a dark and stormy night. I had just finished my third box of twinkies when she walked in. I knew she was trouble from the very beginning. A sexual harrasment case from the very beginning. She told me her sob story, her husband had left her. Frankly, I was glad he was gone. He was a rotting squirrel corpse out to get me and flame me at every turn I made. But I agreed to take the case. I turned off my Hanson cd and I was off.

My first step was, as always, a stop at the office of my (very)close associate Dick Barfurai. Through his countless files (Which he claims not to have, but only *I* know the truth), we were able to track down his last known location. The caves of Afghanastan. I was on my way. Dick told me to be careful. I told him not to worry, I had connections there.

As I arrived at what was left of the airport, I found myself surrounded by guns. Apparently, I wasn't welcome here, either. As they danced around me, singing the words "Mistyboy's an Idiot" (Some strange tribal custom song, I imagine(, it became clear that my time was almost up. Thinking quickly, I proposed a truce. I'll leave for a month, if they give me information on the whereabouts of her husband. They did exactly what I wanted, but I left alternate reality versions of myself as spies to monitor what was going on. Oh, and I lied, I came back a week later, accusing them of not giving me the information I wanted (But that's another adventure).

The information I was given turned out to be false, instead of finding a missing husband, I found an angry mandwarf waving a pair of scissors wildly. I died instantly.

Epilogue.......

The woman found her husband and they lived happily ever after.

Dick Barfurai was making wedding plans when a piano fell on his head.

Hanson (Thankfully) drifted further into musical oblivion.

Scissorman continued to frighten unsuspecting video game players everywhere.

I continued to be dead.

The end,
************************************************************

The proceeding events weren' t true, but wouldn't they be awesome if they were? Only the names (Except Hanson) had been changed to protect the guilty.