A movie called Below. It's about water, Nazi's and semen... seamen.
It's about ghost semen... seamen.
Let's
see how much mileage I can get out of that joke!
D
Below! Nazi semen. And ghosts.
WWI. A plane flies over the ocean. People are signalling
to it.
Okay. Two guys are talking about this boat they need to find because survivors are on it. A problem I read about
and a problem I'm seeing now is that men in the 1940's all looked a lot alike. I will try to keep them straight.
The
ensign doesn't know his flags but he does know his poetry!
They find a British ship with three survivors. One is a
woman!
They gotta book it because the enemy is behind them.
They're on a submarine and they DIVE! DIVE! DIVE!
Like
playing telephone, the semen tell each other the newly arrived survivors are british and one is a "skirt."
Or "Three
teabags. One has bazooms!"
One guy is mad. Having a bazoom inclined person on the ship is bad luck.
The Brits
had been shot down by a U Boat. One brit guy. Kingsly tells the story. The girl is named Claire.
One guys reads a story
to the other semen. I think it's Moby Dick.
The ensign is having trouble believing the Brit's story.
That one
semen, the private, is good with his yoyo.
The semen hear strange noises outside the boat.
I shouldn't say boat.
It's a sub. They go to full stop.
The semen stay completely silent until some public domain 1920's big band starts
playing on someone's record player. They run to someone's bunk and shut it off and suddenly the headset guy says he hears
splashes!
The semen are under attack!! Bombs are being dropped on them.
The semen get thrown all over the inside
of the sub. The last bomb dropped on them doesn't go off and bounces noisily over the top of the sub. They wait for it to
bounce off.
The semen think the Brits turned on the recordplayer. Then they find that the Brits have a pair of German
pants!
The one Brit was really German. The woman didn't want him to get hurt but then a semen shot him. His pants gave
him away!
Claire has been confined to her quarters.
They don't want any pesky women mingling with the semen.
That
pesky publin domain big band music starts up again. It's in the galley. One semen throws the recordplayer around and smashes
up all their tea cups.
The semen are all under duress except the private and his yoyo. They are fine. He plays with
his yoyo a lot.
One semen put the dead German guy's body in Claire's bunk to freak her out. Stupid jerky semen!
The
jerky semen has to take care of the dead body now. He thinks he hears it talk to him.
Claire sneaks out of her bunk
with Kingsley's help.
Claire reads the patrol logs and strange voice whispers KILL and then an obligatory ironing board
falls out of the doorway and scares her.
Pictures of strange people are inside the ironing board space.
A semen
finds her in the skipper's bunk and tells her to go back to her own. Women and semen don't mingle
A ship is following
the sub now.
The sub skims the bottom and the semen get bumped.
The first mate tells Claire about how the captain
drowned while trying to get a souvenier from the ship they blew up before they rescued her.
The ship is using hooks
to scrape the side of the sub. It interupts one semen in the shower.
Now the sub is flooding out and the showering
semen has lost his towel and is shouting out orders all bare assed.
Now some semen have to go swimming outside the
sub to fill the cracks.
The semen swim up the hole to fill in the crack.
The swimming semen talk about the captain's
untimely death.
One swimming semen reveals he and three other semen were out with the captain when he "fell" and hit
his head. Then that swimming semen looks into a stream of water and thinks he sees a face and he falls and hits his head.
He's
dead.
Now the others are seeing faces in the hole.
The semen swim back into the sub and tell the others that
semen hit his head and died but hear something thumping on the sub where he was working. It could be morse code.
Claire
suggests the sub is haunted. The senior semen is like, "No. We're going to Connecticut, ghosts or not."
The sub is
steering itself now!!! Time to call it the SS Christine.
One semen is working through his tremendous stress by opening
crackerjack boxes just for the toys.
Hee! There's the famous shout out to The Others. One semen suggests they all died
weeks ago but they don't know it yet. Then a sensible semen says no, they are all just breathing in too much CO2.
The
sub is going back to where the german ship first hit them.
Oops! the crew just gassed themselves out. Most of teh semen
are dead except the main semen and Claire.
The private that was swinging his yoyo is now looking at himself in the
mirror. His reflection isn't moving with him.
His reflection morphs into a face that isn't his.
The yoyo private
semen guy says, "He's here!" and flushing himself out into the ocean without a suit on and tried to swim but impales himself
on part of the sub. Dumb ass.
Some other semen sneaks through the sub and pulls back a curtain and a ghost that was
peeking at this suddenly disappears.
'
Three semen, it turns out, killed the captain so he wouldn't do naughty things
to the German ship.
One semen thinks they need to givethe ghost what it wants.
The sub accidently bombed Claire's
ship and the Captain wanted to pick up the survivors but semen who made the mistake killed him.
More semen jostling.
They arrived at the place where they killed the ship.
Lots of semen jostling!
The senior semen is pissed that
they all know what he did to the captain. He shoots all the expendable people to show how mean he is.
The senior semen
wants to have some honor left or some crap like that. He won't surrender.
So the other semen shoot him.
The
boat they tired to signal passed right by.
But at the last minute comes back.
The crackerjack semen guy opens
another box and gets a sub toy which he tosses away.
This is exactly what I told you, Tork. When a ghost wants your
help all it really can do is hurt you more.
If a ghost wants you to find out why it died, it has to kill all your friends
first. It's a ghost rules.
So anyway, the movie is over. It wasn't bad, actually. It just had a stupid ghost that likes
to kill lots of innocent people.
The moral of the movie: Even the nice ghosts with good intentions will kill your friends
but all in the name of good.
