Freddy vs. Jason

Ooh! Jason Ritter is in this!

Freddie VS Jason Ritter!!!!!

I hope Jason kicks Freddie's ass! Boo! Freddie sucks!

Open on Freddie's furnace in some dusty basement as he gives some exposition. Blah blah Blah!

Freddie, pre-monster, kills some kids. Blah blah blah!

Whine whine whine, the parents set him on fire

Now he kills kids in their dreams. Boring.

He says he dies when no one remembers him so he searched the "bowels of Hell" for Jason. Okay! Now we are talkin'!

Montage of Jason killing teens having all sorts of naughty sex

Jason's creepy mom tells him to go to Elm Street because the kids there are bad. And then we see some skeleton regenerating organs. Is it Jason? I don't get it. He had all his organs a moment ago when he was gutting a naked girl. Huh?

Oh of course! Jason's creepy mom was Freddie in disguise. My belief was fully suspended just then.

A wobbly shadow is shown walking down a wet road: Elm Street. The Jason music, that "Ch-ch-ch-ch- ha ha ha ha", starts up.

What is that anyway? My knowledge of Jason may be lacking a bit but I don't get it. "Ch-ch-ch-ch- ha ha ha ha"

I'm totally cheering for Jason. Freddie is too wise ass

More than that I want Jason Ritter to win!

Continuing..... Girls have a slumber party.... ON ELM STREET!!!!

Thunder! Lightning! A girl tosses her cigarette butt out the window and it smacks into Jason's face. She says she's going for a beer run. But she doesn't have to! Boys, who seem like wrong side of track types show up with beer. YAY!

The black chick wants the girl, Laurie, to go for one of the guys. She peeks around the corner at the one scratching his area and farting all at the same time. I see love in their eyes!

A feng shui joke! Yay! I hope they start discussing the placement of the bed. That is crucial!

The lights go out, the first boy demands sex from the drunk girl... ON ELM STREET!!!

Laurie's mom died recently. The black girl (I think Laurie called her Kiah) wants Laurie to hook up with Scratching Groin Hidden Fart.

Drunk girl in shower, dumb boyfriend in bed alone.... ON ELM STREET!!!

LOL!!! Dumb guy gets stabbed savagely by Jason then Jason folds him up inside the Craftmatic Adjustable bed! Now for naked drunk girl....

Now all run out into the street screaming at the police car that happens by.

The police investigate and immediately they are all like, "It's Freddie Kreuger!"

YAY! The police guy Laurie is talking to is the freaky one from Deadman on Campus, you know, the one that always wanted to be kicked in the balls. He shall be known as Officer Deadman.

Laurie must have fallen asleep at the station because she's wandering around following the sound of crying. Oh buy.

Laurie finds a little girl sans eyes that tells her Freddie is coming back

Laurie now walks through a graveyard where little girls skip rope and sing that song about Freddie then Freddie sneaks up and says hi and Laurie wakes up.

Scratching Groin Hidden Fart now sits on his porch at night getting drunk vowing to kill this mysterious Freddie guy he knows nothing about.

And the bushes move and he investigates and for whatever reason a sheep on a porch appears and baas at him. Okay? Sure! Why not!? Freddie tried to kill him and misses. Scratching Groin Hidden Fart wakes up but not before Freddie exposits he's not strong enough yet to kill. He tells the camera he'll let Jason have some fun for a little while.

Scratching Groin Hidden Fart wakes up next to his dad sitting next to him. He shakes dad's shoulder and dad's head falls off into his hands. Jason stands over him, slashes his machete at SGHF who uses his dad's head as a shield. Nice. And the porch gets a shower of blood

Aha! Jason Ritter finally shows up! And where is he? In a medicine line in an abusive insane asylum. Jason Ritter sees a news report about some deaths on ELM STREET!

Jason Ritter knows Laurie. I see a Funny Farm break out in his future!

Yep. His Funny Farm Friend distract a guard and steals and key and they are outta there!

Jason Ritter seems to think Laurie's dad killed Laurie's mom

Now Laurie's dad badgers his daughter about drinking her juice!!!!

LOL!!! I was watching this only because Jason Ritter was in it and NOW I see he's not the only Joan of Arcadia person in this movie. Lo and behold Joan's boyfriend Adam Rove makes an appearence! LOL! So when they did the casting for Joan of Arcadia they casted from Freddie Vs. Jason and The Ring. Creepy!

Adam Rove hits on Laurie in a dorky way while drunk girl helps some stoners hand out fliers to a drunking party.

Jason Ritter shows up at Laurie's school and she passes out.

Foreshadowing!!! Kiah wants some plastic surgery.... I see her going under the knife very soon!

And she dreams that Freddie comes out of a magazine and snips off her nose but Freddie isn't powerful enough to do that just yet. She wakes up and she's fine.

Jason Ritter and Funny Farm Friend go to the library and research Freddie

Funny Farm Friend realizes he messed up and blabbed about Freddie and knowing about Freddie gives him power.

This should be fun!!! The kids have keg party in the middle on a crop circle or something. Adam pulls up on his geeky moped and instantly the jocks hold him down to get him drunk. Somewhere else... a hand grabs a sharp farm implement....

Adam gets Laurie a drunk. Awww! Now Adam disses Kiah.

Drunk Girl wanders out into the cornfield and her dead boyfriend yells at her. Whatever.

Drunk girl wanders into a silo. Whatever.

Freddie menaces her and clicks his nails on all metal surfaces. Whatever. he knocks drunk girl off a railing. whatever.

LOL!! That was kind of funny. We know drunk girl is sleeping. Freddie is about to stab her in dream but Jason stabs her body which sends a spray of blood from her chest into Freddie's face and he seems grossed out by it. LOL. Now he whines that the girl was supposed to be his

Jason kills a stoner, another stoner sets Jason on fire. Jason kills him and crashes the party while still on fire. Jason hacks teens left and right and some escape. Now Laurie, Kiah, Adam and Jason Ritter get into a van together and speed off

Jason Ritter and Laurie drive everyone home. How nice. Now Jason Ritter says he saw Laurie's dad stab her mom. Laurie's dad catches them. Laurie confronts her dad. Her dad denies it. her dad wants to help her sleep with some pills and JUICE!!!!

Okay. Now Jason Ritter and Laurie are back in the van. They have to find Funny Farm Friend

.Funny Farm Friend is back at home having fruity fantasies about Freddie.

Funny Farm Friend is on fire! Burned into his back are the words Freddie is back!

Officer Deadman is sure Jason is the murderer but his boss says it's Freddie.

Our core group of teens seems to have acquired a stoner that reminds me of Jay from Jay and Silent Bob. Officer Deadman joins them for a talk. He tells them all about Jason.

A plot poin emmerges from this crap. Jason died by water and Freddie died by fire. The teens decide they must try and take these two out by themselves.

Laurie is dreaming again. Freddie pulls some Daddy Like crap on her and she rips off his ear and wakes up with his ear in her hand. whatever.

And they all break into the insane asylum for drugs that supress dreams.

A guy we never knew lies in a pool of blood.

Jay is alone and stoned. Oops! Not alone. A CGI caterpillar that looks vaguely like Freddie comes in bearing a hookah. It blows smoke in Jay's face.

Jay sees dead people.

The caterpillar shows up and eats him. Adam and Officer Deadman show up. Jason looks at them. Adam screams like a girl. Jason swishes his little machete. Whatever.

Jason swishes his machete into a TV. Gets electricuted. Adam screams like a girl. Jason grabs Officer deadman, electrocutes him. Adam scream like a girl, he grabs a gun and screams like a girl again.

Jeez! I'm getting tired of watching Adam scream like a girl.

Jason terrorizes the others now. Jay is still alive. He's possessed by Freddie. He calls Jason Ritter a bitch. Jay/Freddie encounters Jason. Is it finally on?

Jay drugs Jason. Now Jason is in Freddie's world.

Jason hacks off Freddie's arms but he grows new ones to bitchslap Freddie with.

Scratch that. Freddie grew new arms to bitchslap Jason with

Freddie makes Jason fly all around the boiler room to pinball sound effects.

Freddie makes water pour into the boiler room. Jason is afraid of the water.

The teens drive Jason's sleeping body to Crystal Lake.

Um..... ew! Jason somehow turns into a little naked boy who whimpers and cries.

Jason is still a little boy. Laurie tries to save him from drowning but Freddie gets their first and drags little Jason under.

LOL!!! The teens see Jason is drowning in his sleep. Kiah must give Jason mouth to mouth. Hee!

But Jason wakes up and scares the teens who crash the van. But Jason is awake and flung from the van leaving Laurie alone in her dream with Freddie.

Jason Ritter tries to wake up Laurie. Jason bursts in, cuts Jason Ritter. Jason in his clumsiness starts a fire and Adam and Kiah hit Jason with pots and pans.

Kiah and Adam leave the burning building. Laurie wakes up and somehow pulls Freddie into the real world with her. Freddie realizes he's in teh real world and turns to see Jason waiting for him. The Oh Shit look on Freddie's face is great!

Freddie gets a cool ass kicking

Adam tells Kiah to get him help. Instead Kiah trades oneliners with Freddie. WTF?

Kiah tells Freddie he's a faggot in a Christmas sweater

Kiah tells Freddie he has a little penis while Jason has a nice big penis. Jason is actually behind her and he kills her

Okay. A little Freddie on Jason action.

They vigorously stick each other. Lots of spurting.

Some fingering...

Fingering into body orifaces continues...

Rapped in each other's embrace like spent lovers, Freddie and Jason look up to see Jason Ritter and Laurie set them on fire and get thrown into the lake.

Freddie comes back with the machete to try and kill Laurie but Jason uses the claw thing to kill Freddie and Laurie grabs the machete and is all "Welcome to my world, BITCH!" and cuts off Freddie's head.

The next morning Jason steps out of the water and is all Ch-ch-ch-ch- ha ha ha ha.

How sweet! Jason is carrying Freddie's head out of the water and Freddie winks at the camera

The End!