1). Best Supporting Smurf

2). Best Gay Seaman

3). Best White Guy in a Black Guy Role

4). Best Picture with a : in the title

5). Best Supporting Pile of Horse Manure (The horses from Seabiscuit lose to Ashton Kutcher)

6). Best Clearly Coked Up Actor

7). Best Comedy...oh wait, it's the Oscars...

8). Best Direction of an Award Show Movie (Winner: Emmy! The Movie!)

9). Best Onscreen Monster (Freddy, Jason, Howard Dean)

10). Best Gigli