Dementia 13

/a starts Dementia 13.

It's an old black and white movie directed by Francis Ford Coppola.

It starts with a guy listening to bad beachy music on a thing called a radio. His wife wants to with him in the rowboat at night. The stupid radio music plays throughout this whole scene.

His name is John.

She is Louise.

Louise says she's mad at John's mom for writing a will that gives all her money to charity rather than to John.

John tells her to let it go and turns up the awful music. He reveals he has a bad heart and if he dies before mother, Louise gets nothing then BAM! Heart attack!

He has no heart pills. He teases her about saving his life in time. Then he dies.

She smacks him around then dumps his body and his bad music overboard. His body sinks to the bottom, eyes wide.

Opening credits begin! imagaes of decaying women are shown all whispy behind them.

She forges a letter from John and goes to Scotland to kill the rest of teh family and to get all the money she's not entitled to.

Oops! She's in Ireland. My bad.

She talks to John's brother who lives in an old haunted Irish castle.

John's mother used to write poetry about John's dead sister. Ew! The dead sister, Kathleen, drowned.

Some guy named Billy picks up some girl named Jane at the airport.

Billy drives Jane to the castle. It's big and spooky looking.

Some guy with Warren hair named Richard welds stuff together. I guess Jane's his girlfriend.

The mom totally guilt trips Lousie about John not being able to come. The ceremony for Kathleen's death is a big deal to the mom.

Richard is all pissed that his mom might be scaring Jane away from him. He wants to marry her but Mom keeps acting creepy towards all the women her boys get close to. Hey! Her dumb poem about Kathleen said all the boys would get married. Mom is going against her dumb morbid poetry.

She wrote the bad poem: "My three boys will get married and go away but little Kathleen will always stay." That's on Kathleen's tomb.

Now Richard is pissed at Louise for looking at him too much.

Louise talks to the caretaker about knowing all the secrets of the castle. He says he doesn't think Jane and Richard will get married there. There's foreshadowing in the way he says it.

Billy has some flashback about running around with his sister by the pond. He puts her in a headlock and drags her towards the pond of death. Then Jane walks up and he stops flashbacking to tell her he can still hear his sister out there sometimes.

Billy says he's sorry 'cause he's not usually so morbid. Right!

Billy tells her every year the ceremony is the same. They have a mock funeral and every year Mom passes out.

Whoa! Billy went through three props in that scene and I have no idea where they all came from. First a gun, then an axe and finally an umbrella. He and Jane meet Simon who is some guy with a bad Irish accent who randomly sets up traps around the estate to catch something he calls Ol' Bushytale.

Yep. Just like Billy said. They hold a mock funeral and Mom faints on schedule. Louise steps in to help Mom.

Mom said she fainted because the flowers died when they touched Kathleen's grave.

Ooh! Louise plants the seed. While Mom recovers Louise claims she heard a tiny voice in the castle begging for her mom to listen to her. Mom is all guilt ridden and insists Louise finds out what the little voice wants from her mother.

Louise breaks into Kathleen's old bedroom and doesn't seem to be at all freaked by the wind up toys that start up by themselves

LOL! One toy is an evil monkey that splits wood with a tiny axe. Now who's the psycho who made that! Louise tries to quiet it because it's making a loud winding noise.

Louise steals jewelry.

Some man we aren't seeing sneaks into the room after she leaves. She runs into Richard in the hallway.

They exchange snotty goodnights to each other.

I guess she took some toys too. She ties them up, strips to her underwear and gets into the pond of death with them

In her underwear she swims to the bottom of the pond of death and has no trouble seeing things. She ties the toys to the bottom and before she swims to the surface she sees the ghost of Kathleen lying on the bottom of the pond of death.

She comes up screaming as some man we can't see starts hacking her up with an axe. He then pulls her body out of the water and drags her, in her underwear, across the lawn.

The toys remain at the bottom.

It's implied she's been hacked up but when she is dragged out of the water she has a small bit of blood at the side of her head.

A doctor tells Mom she's too emotional and should stop letting herself pass out every year.

Mom wants someone to find Louise immediately!

No one can find Louise as they all sit down to a nice little picnic.

The toys all float up to the surface. Mom gets freaky.

The doctor tells them they are all crazy.

She's sure Kathleen is sending her the message Louise told her about.

BTW, Richard is some famous sculptor.

Richard tells Jane how much he hates his mom then goes back to welding stuff.

Simon shoots stuff outside. Is it Ol' Bushytale?

Simon looks like an Irish Cheech Marin.

... dressed like Elmer Fudd.

Simon sneaks up on things moving in the bushes. Be vewwy vewwy quiet!

An owl of misdirections sqawks at him. He crawls into the bushes and sees Kathleen's body lying there. He crawls back out...... get ready..... wait for it........

Some guy chops his head off! The head rolls into the pond of death.

The axe guy picks up Kathleen's body.

Now maybe you all can help me. The doctor is still lurking around the castle. He wants the caretaker to drain the pond. Whenever people are reluctant to help the doctor he gives them some sly smile and threatens them with the fact they might be sick. How is this a threat?

The caretaker caves and drains the pond of death.

That night the Mom picks up some jewelry and says she wanted to bury it with Kathleen but no one let her. She sneaks out to some door with the jewelry. She open the door and a baby carriage rolls out.

I see! It's Kathleen's playhouse.

Mom gets locked into the playhouse where Kathleen's body is sitting up at the table. Mom puts a tiara on Kathleen's head and Kathleen falls over as a guy with an axe starts hacking into the playhouse.

The playhouse falls apart and Mom gets away only to pass out in the driveway. Th axe guy picks up Kathleen's body again.

They all get the doctor and carry mom into the house. I guess she's okay. as they wait, Billy plays with fire.

Billy and Jane talk about Billy's nightmares and all the people that have died in the castle besides Kathleen.

Billy describes his recurring nightmare. He's a little boy in the dream and some guy crawls up the wall and into his room and says he's insane when he nods, someone else who is insane will nod back. In the dream Mom nods then throws little Billy into the Pond of Death. I have those dreams after I eat ice cream but you don't hear me crying about it.

Billy realizes it was Richard in his dream.

The pond of death has been drained. There's a tombstone in the mud.

The doctor blames Richard because he used to sculpt with stone.

(Lita: Doctor: You used to sculpt with stone! It's your fault tombstones exist!!)

Richard storms off alone into his dad's old sculpting workshop.

Jane follows and screams at a rat. Richard and jane are happy they now get married.

The doctor urges Billy to drink because they are Irish.

The doctor gets Billy drunk and reminds him he saw his sister drown.

Billy sings a song about fish and FLASHBACK!

Oops! He had a flashback but they aren't showing it to me. Well fine! Leave me out. Anyway, Jane's wedding instantly happens. The doctor warns Jane that the family she's apart of now has a history of craziness.

The doctor makes Jane cry and Jane asks Richard to take a walk with her outside in the dark so she can calm down.

The doctor wanders out to the pond of death and singing a song about fish.

Along the way he finds Louise's body then Kathleen's body.

He picks up the body. Somewhere Richard and Jane get it on until they hear a scream.

The doctor put the body in the fountain and secretly watches everyone looking at it.

Huh? In front of the whole wedding party Billy tries to hack up Jane but the doctor shoots him while the wedding party all just seem to look on.

So Billy killed Kathleen so long ago and made a wax sculpture of her and carries it around places to make himself feel better. The doctor takes the axe and smashed the wax face of Kathleen and the credits rolls over her smashed up face.

The end.