Fear.com

I've been reading up on Fear Dot Com. No one can agree on the plot because it's a real bad movie.

The editing and camera angles are supposed to be supercool but stuff happens that makes no sense.

Beginning Fear Dot Com now! It's rated R. Oooooooooooh!

The start screen is supposed to look like a computer monitor. Damn computers are scary! Devil's creation, I say!

The movie begins with a montage of binary codes, modems and tower fans. OOOOh! And then a guy walks down some wet stairs in the dark. Ooooh!

People stare at him.

A dog stares at him.

He's in a subway.

A ball bounces past him onto the tracks where a little albino girl picks it up.

The albino girl plays on the tracks and the guy goes to get her before the train comes. What do you suppose happens next. Come on, take a guess. I dare you!

The train splats him be she's a ghost. Who didn't see that coming?

Now we meet the lady hero. Her kitty cat left a dead mouse in her slipper.

Now we meet the guy hero who is looking over the remains of the dead guy. Dead guy has buggy eyes and his mouth is wide open like in The Ring. Yuck!

I heard this movie had continuity mistakes and the police were stupid. Just how many people need to look at the bloody dead guy before deciding he didn't die from electrocution?

Some creepy guy looks at a website with annoying flash frames (feardotcom.com) and says he needs a leading lady for something. Now the hero guy is looking at pictures of dead women.

Creepy guy is called "The Doctor" and the hero whines about not being able to catch him. Now a german kid is brought into the jail and he's screaming. He has a bloody face.

Hero guy wants a health inspector called in to investigate if this bloody eyes thing is a virus. I understand that out hero lady with the evil cat is the glorified health inspector. They are to meet at the german kids appartment.

I also understand the city this movie takes place in perpetually rains

Health Ins. chick is named Terry, BTW. Hero guy finds a dead woman floating in the over runing tub at the german guy's place.

Hero guy's name is Det. Riley. Terry thinks the woman has ebola and it fascinates her.

Terry and Riley go back to the jail and find the german kid dead and he's written german things on the walls in his own blood.

Terry says it's not a virus. Yay. Whatever. Someone left a camcorder just lying around under the tub so she thinks they should check it.

The Doctor appears with a camcorder and is filming some woman. His next victim I guess. Whatever.

Oh fun. Terry explains that everyone sleeps with bed bugs. They look like lobsters.

The Doctor delivers his lines in a creepy way that all girls must find enchanting because he gives some girl a card to a theater to be filmed.

Terry and Riley watch a film of the german couple being filmed by a third person. First they are filmed in the park playing around. Cut to the german girl stripping at home. Terry smiles the whole time.

The german couple has been filmed looking at the internet together, the guy freaking out and someone finding the german girl dead in the tub.

Of course!!! The woman goes to the theater that the Doctor told her to go to. She enters the theater which is made up in early haunted house style with webs and strobe lights. She wanders around saying, Hello?

And the girl is grabbed by the Doctor. Who knew that would happen? He seemed so nice before.

We meet Terry's boss. He's old, has a runny nose and sent his computer out to be repaired. Boring.

Terry's boss heads home and takes the scenic route through the old rusty shipyard. He sees the albino girl!

Terry's boss gets in his car. I guess he was just parked by the old rusty shipyard because parking by his office would be crazy! Anyway, the girl looks at him some more as he sets fire to his crotch with the cigarette. The car then starts driving itself until it hits a wall and he is thrown through the windshield.

Terry shows up at the coroners office where her friend is explaining what she can about how the german woman died. Suddenly a new body is brought in! It's Terry's boss! They must have hustled him on over to the coroners office! That all happened fast.

Terry's boss' wife says he spent a lot of time.... ON THE COMPUTER!!!!

The Doctor menaces his victim and I won't recap that. In fact I may just forward through those scenes. I don't need to watch them.

Riley has some computer chick check out the internet site where all the victims went 48 hours before they died.

Terry and her cat watch the tape of the german couple. Terry doesn't want her kitty to see the evil stuff so she turns him away from the screen.

Terry sees a floating head on the screen. Oooooh!

The computer chick finds the evil website. It appears to be called The Duh! Ooooh! A roach crawls out of her tower and she squashes it with a computer book.Bug guts everywhere! She turns the computer off and starts to leave but the computer turns back on.

The computer chick keeps looking at this damn website! Someone says, "Whould you like to play with me?"

(Lita: That's Poke's website??)

/a fast forwards though another Doctor scene.

The computer chick is chased up the stairs by the little white bouncing ball. She runs into Terry and Riley and doesn't tell them about it. Instead she tells them about the evil website. Riley says people love watching death so they always look this website.

Terry and Riley go to a smoky bar to meet a guy named Frank who wrote a book the first dead guy was carrying. When they approach him is in a booth laying down. I think we are supposed to think the girl under the table is givng him a blow job but the positions are weird unless I'm misundertanding just how this guy's penis is attached to his body. Whatever.

Frank apperently wrote some book about computers being able to steal your soul. The dead guy had found the site.

Terry and Riley discuss the two cases together and somehow realize it's the same case. Wowo!

The computer chick is alone in her appartment and it seems she's supposed to die from what scares her: Roaches. So enter tons of roaches coming in to get her.

Roaches crawl out of her mouth and whatever. This movie blows!

The computer chick flees the roaches by throwing herself out the window onto Riley's police car before he can save her.

Somehow Terry figures out the german girl was afraid of drowning and that's why she died in the tub. Did the german boy die from fear of being arrested?

Oh man. Whatever. Terry asks Riley to promise not to visit the site. He says nothing but hugs her. Cut to watching her sleep before leaving after some "We just met but we're in love" sex.

So Riley goes to the computer chicks appartment and logs onto the site.

Riley logs into the site and a seductive voice asks, "Whould you like to play with me?" And he's all, "How do I play?" And the voice says, "Find me. If you win, you get me. If you looose, you die." Riley's chair falls backwards in slow motion and we get vague scenes of scary things.

The bouncy ball chases Riley into the elevator.

Riley is menaced by some ghost with too much lipstick.

Terry awakens all alone.

Riley somehow figures out some dead girl lives in the internet wires. How he came to this conclusion I'll never know.

So now Terry logs in. A seductive voice asks Terry if she whould like to play.

(Lita: Poke's getting voice work at last???)

Terry has a nosebleed. It means she'll die.

Terry goes to the home of the albino's girl's mom. How in the hell did she know anything about this albino girl?

The albino girl's mom says the girl was a hemophiliac. A scratch could make her bleed to death and oh yeah, her mom let her play in the old rusty steel mill down the road!

Terry meets a homeless woman who poins.

Terry must swim though icky water to find the girl. She is shocked to find the dead body amd and drags it to the surface.

Riley convulses in a hospital bed.Terry follows a ball. If this sounds like I'm leaving out plot I'm not. This is what;s happening and it makes no sense.

Riley is missing from his bed. Terry wanders the bowels of the hospital.

A voice asks, "Whould you like to hurt me?"

She wakes up in an elevator and finds Riley.

One autopsy later they a re following a note the girl swallowed before she died. Riley convulses.

I never thought a movie could make less sense than Taboo.

Riley is in some appartment. I don't know whose and I don't care.

Must be The Doctor's place. He's decorated it with dead women.

They go to his lair. Big whoop dee doo.

Riley threatens the Doctor.

Okay, Riley called for back up before he went into the lair. Now somehow we find the Doctor has killed the back up cop BEFORE Riley got there? The Hell?

The Doctor shoots Riley!!! YAY!!! Terry stabs the Doctor. Saves the victim, the doctor gets her.....

Oh my God!!! You know how Riley kills the doctor???? You won't believe it.

He makes the Doctor watch the internet site and all the woman he killed appear instantly and talk to him until he just seems to die.

Riley dies.

Terry picks up her phone, no one is there. She pets her cat. The End. I have no clue what happened at all.

I swear I left nothing out. If you didn't understand my recap, I didn't either but it's what happens.