Queen of the Damned

Creepy music swells and statues appear. They are African.

Narration begins and some guy is bemoaning the "life" of a vampire. Guess it's too long and he's whining

It's Lestat. He's waking up after a long sleep

The movie cuts from Lestat getting out of his tomb and a rock band playing.... actually the rock band's various piercings as they play the music. Bouncing nipple rings!

LOL!!! I wish you guys could have seen this scene. Okay, the band is jamming in Lestat's old home. They are playing when suddenly he appear, lounging atop the speakers and moaning like he's in pain. The female band member wants to know who he is and she thinks his "singing" was great.

He admits instantly that he's a vampire and he wants to sing with them.

Open with screaming angry goth music. Blah!

Ugly goth groupies come to their press conference

They are famous now! Lestat is on a big screen telling the press conference he's a vampire

Lestat admits he is putting secret vamp messages into the music to challenge other vamps to come out and get him.

He will be playing in Death Valley, Ooh!!!

Groupies go to see Lestat! They love his bronze skeleton statues. they get all sexed up and beg him to bite them. they all crawl on the floor.

He crawls up the wall to the ceiling then dives down on them and he eats them while they scream

He calls out to some girl in her room. Her name is Jesse and she seems to collect creepy dolls.

Apperently he's been calling out to Jesse since she was a little girl.

Jesse has some strange family issues they are leaving vague for the audience

Serena Auschul (sp) on MTV news praises his moaning music

The music calls to Jesse. She is researching his lyrics and finding some of it to be true. ooh! Vamp coven

Jesse finds some guy who is researching Lestat's sire, Marius

Flashback: Lestat has a gay romp with Marius!

Marius vampifies Lestat. Very homoerotic scene

Marius teaches Lestat how to suck.

Lestat can't understand why they can't suck in public

They must suck in private!

Lestat out-violins some gypsies, then Marius and Lestat suck on the gypsies.

Lestat finds a secret passage way under the castle. He finds the African statues. he wants to play violin for the statues. The female statue becomes flesh....

He sucks the statue! Marius chains him down. Marius says the statue is Lestat's mom and he shouldn't suck on her.

Marius got pissy and took the statues away

Jesse was reading this story in a book by Lestat. She is searching for the castle now

Jesse is now dressed in undercover goth. Goes to a club where goths stare at her and singers moan to techno music.

All the vamps know she's faking it. She's too pink

Lestat stops them from sucking on her

Lestat and Jesse trade info on each other

Lestat gets pissy and leaves

Vamps are so pissy, aren't they?

Jesse's friend warns her that some people tend to get obsessed with vamps. She runs off to his concert in Death Valley. Lestat has jitters about the concert.

Marius comes back to his boytoy Lestat! How joyful!

Marius is pissy though. Lestat is sucking on the cover of Rolling Stone

LOL!!! Lestat goes to show Marius how much fun it can be to suck in public! They go out to see a GIANT billboard of Lestat and they pace on a scaffold that is strategically placed at Lestat's giant crotch.

I think we are getting scenes of Queen Akasha missing but the other statues now have stone nooses around their necks.

Queen Akasha enters a club of vamps. None of them know her. She slither and slinks around the club

She rips the heart out of teh guy who didn't know her. Now she sets them all on fire

She walks out of the flames to find Lestat be she's slinking so slow she may never get to him for a while

Jesse is now in skanked goth wear and has found Lestat

Not Queen Akasha, I guess.

She returns his diary

Lestat tries to mack on Jesse

He flies her around town and nearly drops her off a building ledge and continues to mack on her

She cuts her boob and asks him to drink and he starts to but flies her around some more. They go to the park

Lestat kills some chick on a park bench and Jesse freaks out because OMG he's a vampire!

Cut to Death Valley. Jesse arrives and Lestat arrives with his band.

At this poin it seems Jesse's friend who's been following Marius may be more of an important character. He looks like Wesley so that's what I will call him. Wesley went to the concert and Marius poofs in to say hi to him then poofs out. Wes is scared but british scared so he's not conveying it much.

The band starts to play. Lestat moans into the mic.

Jesse must be a gypsy. Apperently a gypsy retrieval task force has been assembeed to find her in the crowd.

Flying people fly onto the stage and fight Lestat

The crowd loves the decapitations! Cheer more!

Akasha slithers up onto the stage!!!!

Flies away with Lestat!

: She takes him to a private beach and praises him for sucking in public liek she used to.

She wants him to be her king

he bathes in rose petals and she sexes him up

It is too bad this was her only movie. She's not too bad

Mojava desert: Jesse wakes up in her room with creepy dolls?

Anyway, Jesse meets her aunt who is a vamp because of Akasha.

Lestat awakens in the sun, recoils! Then realizes the sun isn't toasting him at all.

Akasha has sunblocker blood that keeps them both safe.

Marius joins the elite gypsy task force to fight Akasha.

Akasha walks right into their planning session and taunts them. Lestat is at her side, no shirt and is her boytoy now. Marius is pissy about this.

Akasha wants Lestat to prove his love and kill Jesse

Jesse presents her neck....

Oops, her bosom which he sucks

Akasha slithers with joy

Lestat sucks Akasha now and won't stop. She shakes him off. Now all try to suck Akasha and she flames them one by one.

But she didn't flame them fast enough and they've all sucked way too much from her. She says they've killed her and she tried to flame Lestat.

Lestat starts to suck her but auntie vamp stops him so she can suck on Akasha herself.

Okay. Auntie vamp sucked the straw that broke Akasha's back (or something) and Akasha does this achingly slow thing where she arches back (suddenly she is also bald) and goes all cgi. Her skin turns black and she watches her body dustify and poof.

Now auntie vamp is a statue.

Wes reads papers about how people at the concert who witnessed what happened all think they were on drugs because they don't think they saw what they thought they saw.

Wes follows sounds of breathing. It's Lestat and newly vampified Jesse. She bids Wes buh-bye. Enter Marius scowling at Jesse and Lestat who walk away. Marius pays Wes a visit.

Cuts it off before we find out just how gay the visit was between Wes and Marius. Lestat and Jesse walk slowly threw London AND then black with the words: In Memory of Aaliyah.

The End.
(I should have mentioned the part where everyone was showered in Akasha dust... and they all rejoiced!)