Anchor: Welcome back to ESPNews...we're awaiting a live press conference from Cleveland Cavaliers rookie sensation LeBron James. He's stepping up to the podium now...let's listen in!

LeBron: Thank you....thank you....I'm glad you could all be here. It's been quite a week this week, my first week in the NBA. It sucks that I've lost every game so far, but you know, things will turn around fo sho. I...

Anchor: Sorry to interrupt but we have breaking news in the Kobe Bryant case, let's go live to Kobe's lawyer.

Lawyer: ....that my client still insists his innocence and...

LeBron: excuse me, I was talking here!

Lawyer: You were? I didn't notice....

LeBron: Yeah, so...

Tiger Woods: Hey, I did something to. When are we gonna get to my turn?

LeBron & Lawyer: Shutup!!!

Lawyer: Look, your team sucks, my clients team rocks.

LeBron: You wouldn't say that if I was standing right there.

Lawyer: Whatever...I got to use the can anyway....

LeBron: Finally! As I was saying, it's been a tough week, and...

Anchor: Breaking news into the ESPN Newsroom...Yankees owner George Steinbrennar has fired manager Joe Torre and replaced him....with a cow....What????

Lord_KFB_Cow: I'moo very happy to be the new mooanager of the...

LeBron: Oh geez....

Lord_KFB_Cow: You have a problemoo, mooron??

LeBron: I can't believe this

Lawyer: Oh, is he still at it?

Lord_KFB_Cow: Yeah...what's his damooge?

Lawyer: Tell me about it...

Tiger: I made you all sandwiches!

Lawyer: Cool!

Lord_KFB_Cow: No roast beef, please

Tiger: Ham?

Lord_KFB_Cow: No thanks, I'm Jewish

Lita: Really? I didn't know that!

Lawyer: I thought you were Jewish, Tiger

Tiger: Oh yeah...like 1/27th or some crap like that...

LeBron: Will you people shutup!!!

Lord_KFB_Cow: HEY!!!

LeBron: And the Cow!

Lawyer: Someone's jealous he's not the center of attention around here...

Anchor: Can I have the ham?

Kobe Bryant: Hey, are they still buying my innoce...hey, sandwiches!!!

LeBron: I'm just gonna go shoot myself......

Kobe: Pass the salt!!!